• been inspired by these things
• realizing that the purpose of this transition isnt to figure out whats next. its to develop a fundamentally different orientation to life, and from there to have tings emerge. The change has to be internal. This has been very helpful
• I seem to have let go of any aspirations to systems change, at least for now. What feels more relevant is just trying to help reduce suffering. I’m still interested in some kind of scale in this regard, but not an all encompassing one
• Understanding sensory processing sensitivity has been game changing. Has really helped me feel permission to develop clear constraints for whatever comes next and helped narrow down the open endendness of things
• I’ve made a lot of progress professionally-existentially. I’ve gone from feeling unhireable and unmotivateable, to believing that there’s actually a couple of solid paths available to me that I could do well in. I feel more clear about my skills and and innate qualities and how they are transferrable across domains.
• I’m realizing that despite my previous concerns, I am open to screen based work under the right conditions. So long as I balance it with outdoor movement time then I’m actually happy to be sitting at a desk for stretches at a time, and that’s a new realization.
• Community seems to keep being a consistent theme for me. Feels clear that helping humans avoid loneliness seems to be an inherent good.
• Even though Valencia hasn’t felt like the right exact fit, its really helped me learn a lot more and confirm my hunches in terms of what kind of environment feels good to me. And its helped me get an embodied feel of new possibilities.
• A huge shift has come from overcoming a scarcity mindset and becoming comfortable deploying my savings to help accelerate my progress, instead of hoarding them out of fear.
• I’ve had some really incredible moments of walking around the old city center with its cafes and plazas and realzing “wow I’m in Europe!” in the most delightful way.
• Another big thing, relatedly, has been addressing my lingering pattern of urgency regarding needing to have something to show for my transition soon, or else.
• A question I keep returning to is “where do you go when your life falls apart?”
  • What is the AA equivalent for this?
• Been feeling much less attached to stuff and things in terms of embracing the replaceability of almost everything.
• I’ve been thinking a lot about cultural continuity as the highest aim of a life as opposed to self-actualization, and how pervasive the latter is in Western life.
  • But also, what culture and/or what parts of it are really worth continuing?
• Amidst the void of unstructuredness I keep asking myself “What really matters?”
• How much it flips things to think of health as the presence of vitality rather than just the absence of acute illness.
• Feeling confused about how to understand the purpose of my essay writing, yet having a hunch that it feels worth continuing for now regardless.
• Continuing learning subtle difference between what feels right in my body vs what I should do according to my mind. Trying to focus on what’s exciting is helpful for this.
• What comes next
• Life Questions